子不教，父之过。爸爸妈妈需教育孩子，让其言谈举止得体。如果孩子在外言行不当，跟人发生冲突，被别的家长教训，怎么办？

美国一个孩子在游乐场和别的孩子发生了小小摩擦，对方的妈妈教育了他。被教训者的妈妈Karen Alpert通过自己的博客，写了一封公开信给对方妈妈。这信迅速走红网络，仅在Facebook上（本文写作时止），就被罕见地转发了268万次之多，并被包括ABC新闻、福克斯新闻等大媒体报道。一时间，这位大度的妈妈在社交媒体上比总统候选人还红火。我有幸征得了这位妈妈本人的同意，将她的信在这里贴出来，并给出了翻译。我想她的回应和背后体现的思维，值得我们思考。

打住，打住，这事我们得谈一谈。今天你女儿要玩猴架？［注1］好，知道了。我娃也要玩猴架？就这么简单。可是你娃没玩过猴架，吊上面磨蹭半天，有时候还吓住，中间停下，我娃无奈，从她边上超了过去，可能稍微碰撞了一下，她就掉了下来，于是不得了，嚎啕大哭起来？得，你们狠。

往下说之前，我承认，出这档子事时我该在场。不幸的是，我在游乐场另一侧，因为我儿子的朋友在哭。是的，我确实不在，不过这样你就有权教训我娃啦？你就有权板起脸训他啦？你就有权叫他停住啦？好歹是我的娃吧！就算我不在，轮到你来管啦？

嗯，是的。没错，你有权。

我今天没有机会跟你见上面，但我要向你道谢。我娃举止像小王八蛋，不管我是什么理由不在场，我都允许你说说他，让小子别他妈胡来。当然，你不能跟他动手，不能跟他乱吼，只有我才有权这么做。我是说，如果他玩猴架的时候没规矩，不按先来后到顺序，你完全可以制止他。他如果从滑梯上往上走［注2］，捡起地上木屑乱扔，说脏话，欺负人，或是有其他言行妨害他人，你都可以制止。

你不是他的父母，可你是成年人，这说明你比他睿智。是的，我知道世界上有不少混蛋，听别人说自己孩子几句，就唧唧歪歪没完。我不是这种人。

带孩子需要一个村庄。如今，我们这村可能比过去更大，范围更开阔。论住，我们已经不住在相互挨近的村舍；论行，我们不再结伴一起乘大篷车出门；到了晚上，大家也不会动辄围着篝火聚在一起。我们甚至彼此不认识，但我们可以选择做一个有村的人，也可以选择做失村的人。我选择做有村的人。

对不起，今天的事情出来，我没在场，没尽到管教义务，感谢你帮了我一把。

        此致

敬礼！

某熊娃他妈

注1：monkey bar, 也称攀登架，一排单杠，让小孩双手抓住往前移动的游乐设施，可以两个或更多小孩一起玩。

注2：滑梯是给其他小孩往下滑的，从下面往上走可能妨碍其他孩子。

Dear stranger who disciplined my kiddo at the playground today,

Woah woah woah, lemme get this straight. So today your daughter was trying to do the monkey bars? Okay, got it. And my kid was trying to do the monkey bars too? Simple enough. But since your kiddo is new to the monkey bars and takes forever and sometimes gets scared and stops right in the middle, my son had no choice but to go past her and sometimes bump her a little and she would fall and be all sensitive and start crying? Hmmm. Alrighty then.

Now before I continue, I just want to say that yes, I know I should have been there when this all went down, but unfortunately I was on the other side of the playground with my son’s friend who was crying. So no, I wasn’t there, but does that give you a right to discipline my kiddo? Does that give you the right to talk to him sternly and tell him to knock it off? Does that give you the right to act like you are the person in charge when he is actually MY child?

Ummmm, yes. YES IT DOES.

I didn’t get the chance to say this today, but THANK YOU. Because if my kid is acting like a douchenugget and I’m not around for whatever reason, you have my permission to tell him to knock that shit off. I’m not saying you have the right to touch him in any way or yell at him uncontrollably (only I’m allowed to do that), but please feel free to tell him to stop being a jerkwad if he’s not waiting his turn to do the monkey bars. Or if he’s walking up the slide. Or if he’s throwing wood chips. Or if he’s saying bad words. Or being a bully. Or doing anything that he shouldn’t be doing that’s bothering someone else.

Because even if you aren’t his parent, you are the adult. Which means you are smarter than he is. And yeah, I know there are probably a-holes out there who would be all pissy about some stranger getting mad at their kiddo, but not me.

It takes a village. And these days our village might be a little bigger and more spread out and we don’t all sleep in side-by-side huts or ride in covered wagons or gather around the campfire at night and we don’t even all know each other, but we can either choose to have a village or not. And I choose to have a village.

I’m sorry I wasn’t there to do my job, so thank you for helping me do it.

Sincerely,

“That” kid’s mom

这位妈妈也是一个育儿博客(网址：http://babysideburns.com/), 和 I Want My Epidural Back一书作者：

此信件之所以被病毒传播，是因它扎根于美国育儿界的一个新思路，亦即“有村”。这个说法，我近日会发文另述，敬请持续关注（公众号：fangberlingz）。Alpert的做法虽被多人喝彩，也还有很大争议性，甚至引起了一些读者的互撕。我很想知道同样情况别的家长有无遇到？大家是否同意Alpert的思路？如果是你会怎么做？欢迎留言告知。