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两件小事里的男权女权

上周末,朋友维克的太太过生日,也是夫妻结婚25周年。 维克办了个惊喜的Party, 通知了所有人出场,还请了我女儿所在乐队伴奏。他在仪式上当很多人的面告诉她太太:感谢你做出了很多牺牲,等我完成了博士学位,在家抚养大了孩子。接下来25年,我要带你去看世界,要和你一起看到孙儿出生... 这大庭广众之下执子之手与子偕老的告白,很温馨。

美国人夸起人来完全不需要打草稿,张口就来。咱们往往是爱你在心口难开。话说有中国学生在美国呆久了,回头电话里也说:“我爱你!”电话挂了之后妈妈马上电话打回来,问到底怎么回事,是不是有什么事情想不开。

维克整的节目一出一出的,让自己的女儿(也在乐队)领衔主演给妈妈的献礼。他自己还唱了一首歌。别看他是教授,歌喉也好。维克一下子抬高了丈夫们的门槛。碰巧次日是某人生日,我做不到维克那样的大鸣大放大字报示爱,横竖也东施效颦,小打小闹地烤了些牛排,买了一束花,还订了蛋糕。订蛋糕的时候,店里的小伙子不知道写错了什么,稍微涂改了一下,后来他们还主动给了我另外一个蛋糕,重新弄,折腾半天。这蛋糕有鲜艳的玫瑰,和青翠的绿叶。某人回家之后,看了一眼,”呃,买蛋糕了。真巧我们单位也让我买蛋糕。”她说单位给钱买个蛋糕和她老板一起过。她说老板是年龄大一些的女士,可能不喜欢大红大绿那种俗气的,要素雅一点的。

这早春三月,天凉好个秋。

上班之后,看到校报上我同事Amy写的一篇文章,连看几遍,很感动。这文章是她在报纸上夸她的丈夫。文首说的维克庆贺妻子生日的方式,体现了美国的绅士风度,和一个丈夫对妻子的赏识。不过美国妻子夸起丈夫来也毫不逊色。

Amy的先生Grant是我们大学球队的播音员,声音非常好听。不过在美国大学,搞体育的人处境有时候比较尴尬。在我们这个四五千人的学校,教师往往觉得学校应该把精力放在学术上。若在体育上大兴土木,挥金如土,而在教学上砍项目、裁员工,体育系统的人就更被非议了。现实情况是:大学体育是大产业,搞得好,可以给学校带来新的关注、生源和校友捐赠。今年学校的男女球队双双出线,打入篮球大学联赛的“三月疯”,学校主页(www.acu.edu)的访问量就上升了九倍之多 —— 成功的体育项目给学校带来正面影响。

Amy在文章里说,Grant在播音之前,用心钻研,访问队员甚至对方的播音员,对双方球员的底细了如指掌,甚至知道他们高中的体育成就。他花很多时间和他们在一起,知道他们任何小的细节。

能看出这种赏识不是假心假意的吹捧,发自真心 —— 甜言蜜语可以掺假,但细节不会撒谎。她知道丈夫的优点。比如他能够在播音中蓄意使用朋友给出的一些”大词”,增加播音的趣味。“他是谐趣文字的大师,他擅长文字游戏,能巧妙地把这种游戏揉进自己的句子里。”“看到自己最心爱的人做自己最喜欢的事,实在是一种恩赐。”

最近因《都挺好》电视剧热播,网上讨论家庭关系的文章铺天盖地。女性各种花样吐槽,让人感觉中国家庭关系的失败,多为男人的错。真的不是这样:不要以为一个家庭里女性地位的提高,是多管钱,少做事,关系里自己是“受”的一方而非“施”的一方,只想着对方怎么对自己好,或是如何对自己不好。有平等精神的女性,在关系上不是被动的、等待的,而是主动赏识、激励、担当,这些女性的领导力,不要以为只能体现在单位,在家庭里也一目了然。

"Voice of ACU" a treasure to campus, wife

By Amy Boone

I have an interesting and honored perspective of living with the person who broadcasts ACU athletic events. My husband Grant spends countless hours on the road and on campus getting to know players, coaches, and various teams at ACU. He brings the games to life and asks questions in interviews that help fans get to know the players and the teams as well. He knows countless details about the players' lives and their game. He knows many of the players' families. He knows things other people don't know and aren't his to share. That's what happens when you spend lots and lots of time with people.

People often comment about how in the world he knows such intricate details about a particular player’s high school stats or a random connection they have to an alum. He is a student of ACU athletics. The time he spends preparing for a broadcast would seem excessive to many. He studies player guides and previous game stats. He meets with the opposing teams’ broadcasters and coaches. Every detail and nugget of information matter to him.

He is the master of witty phrases and takes great pride in crafting a sentence that includes a clever play on words. Friends were so impressed with the way he could seamlessly weave minute details and impressive vocabulary words into game broadcasts that they began texting him outlandish words to work into a broadcast! He is always up for the challenge! Some of my personal favorites have been “circumcise,” “smooth criminal,” and “super fly!”

The journey the past few years into Division 1 has been fraught with many, many challenges... some known ahead of time and many unknown until they occurred. Not only is Grant a brilliant broadcaster, he's the biggest ACU sports fan as well. He pours so much time, energy, love, and professionalism into ACU athletics. He has celebrated each milestone in the D1 journey and has endured the challenges alongside the teams. He's truly the best of the best and as insanely fortunate as ACU is to have him, he is ACU's biggest cheerleader.

Speaking of Cinderella stories and “The Big Dance,” the past few days of ACU basketball have seemed a bit like a wave of the Fairy Godmother’s magic wand for Grant. After years of calling game after game from Conway to Corpus and everything in between, the ride of this past week has almost felt like one in a magic carriage.

I got choked up when he texted after each of the games from Houston and said, "One of the coolest moments ever" and "I'm in another world right now. Surreal."

Watching your favorite person do what they love is a gift. Watching your favorite school achieve what seemed impossible really is "one of the coolest moments ever."

Go Wildcats (the purple ones... not the blue ones!)!

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