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老汪的烦恼(中英对照版)

有人说中文最妙,文字游戏多,其他语言望尘莫及,也无从翻译。别人看过就算,但翻译绕不过去,很多时候不可译也得译,这时候需要找到动态的对应。下面是我在同学群里被激将,用段子练手。还望大家赐教。有兴趣做题的同学,答案可写在留言里。
 
2017最难国考题:
Old Wang's Woman Problem: A reading quiz
 
 
老汪在班级同学聚会上,看到自己曾经暗恋的女王,感慨万千,相谈甚欢。后来一时冲动向女王发一微信:滚床单不?女王回信:“滚”。
 
请问:这个“滚”字是什么意思?"
 
In a class reunion, Old Wang met his high school sweetheart, whom we shall call Queenie to show proper respect. With old flames stirred up, Wang texted Queenie later: "You want to come?" Please note that they texted back and forth using Wechat, the proper way for a Chinese to text.  
 
Queenie texted back: "Fuck off." 
 
Question:  Given the context of this conversation, what does "fuck off" mean? [Bonus point] How about "come"?
 
 
老汪虽已是湖南某著名大学教授,竟也不明白这个“滚”字是什么意思!他心有不甘,回家失眠了几个晚上,终于鼓起勇气发一微信给女王:去我的家还是去你的家?”
 
女王回复:“去你的”。
 
问题:“去你的”是什么意思?"
Even though Wang teaches in a university, being intellectual, well-respected and all, he wasn't 100% sure about such matters. After a number of sleepless nights, he couldn't afford to be speechless anymore, so he sent another text: "Your place or mine?"
 
Back came this text: "Get lost."
 
Question: What does "get lost" mean here?  That Wang should find a secret rendezvous?
 
 
老汪不解何意,几天后终于忍不住给女王发微信:那来我家吧!
 
女王回:“我去”。
 
老汪彻底懵了。
 
问题:“我去”是什么意思?"
 
Still feeling lost, Wang wrote back a few days later: "My place?" 
 
Queenie replied: "Yeah, sure."
 
At this point, Wang's mind was pretty much fried. 
 
Question: Does "yeah, sure" mean she has agreed?
 
 
过了几天,女神没去,老汪又忍不住,发信息问女王:我在家等着你?
 
女王回信:“你等着”!
 
问题:“你等着”什么意思?"
 
The woman didn't come. Wang became increasingly fidgety, and had to send a follow-up text: "Should I still expect you to come here?"
 
Queenie wrote: "Just you wait!"
 
Question: Does "just you wait" mean that she wanted Wang to wait at home?
 
 
又过了几天,老汪没等到女王,实在又忍不住了,就给女王发信息:要不我到你家试试?
 
女王回答:“你来试试”!
 
问题:“你来试试”什么意思?"
 
Still anxious, Wang sent another text: "How about your place?"
 
Queenie wrote: "You've got balls!"
 
Question: When Queenie said "You've got balls", was she A) asking Wang to play golf; B) indicating that size does matter in certain things, C) encouraging Wang to take bold actions; or D) None of the above?
 
 
又过了几天,女王感觉到老汪的困惑,为了表明自己的态度,回复:“我是个性开放的人,不是个性开放的人。”
 
问题:请问女王想表达什么意思?"
 
Finally, to solve Wang's problem once for all, Queenie texted: "I'm usually not closed-minded, but that doesn't mean I am open-minded on this."
 
Question: What in the world was she trying to say?
 
 
老汪最后孤注一掷,决定晚上去女王家。女王住外宾公寓,进去要填表,上有“性别”(sex)一栏。老汪感概,问得真细,诚信要紧,于是填道:每周六次。
 
问题:正确答案应该是什么?
"It wouldn't hurt to find out." Finally, Wang went to Queenie's place, an apartment building for international experts, where he was asked to fill out a form. The form includes an item for "sex".  
 
Wang wrote: "Six times a week."
 
Question: What should he have written?
 
 
在门卫目瞪口呆之下,老汪按门铃,通过通话器怯怯问道:我可以进来么?
 
女王答:“你进来我今晚就弄死你”!
 
问题:老汪最后死了没有?
As  the doorman looked with amazement, Wang rang the bell: "May I come in?" He asked shyly.
 
Queenie said through the intercom: "If you come in, you'll be royally screwed!"
 
Question: Was Wang screwed? 
 
注:中文系朋友转发而来,出处不详,本文略有修改。翻译不说明赞同老汪的行为,仅说明文字各有各的难处和妙处。如果学过英语,但仍看不懂,说明美剧看得太少。
Note: Translating this joke does not mean I endorse Wang's behaviors.  I just want to show that Chinese and English can both be tricky, ambiguous and expressive.
 
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